Syndicate

Just act casual. No one will suspect a thing.Let's face it. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were never really an item. They have/had a movie to promote and that's the Spinster's MO - play it up with a co-star (or paid escort) for the premieres then let him off the leash. They probably threw him a bone for macking it up the way they did. Since a brief and cordial vacation in Mexico they haven't been spotted together.

That's not to say that the Scottish cocksman has been idle. Big dogs, little dogs, short dogs, tall dogs, Gerry's got a leash to fit them all. He looks to be following in the footsteps of Mickey Rourke, who recently bragged of bedding more than a dozen women a night. Butler does appear to have better taste than Rourke, though. According to Hollywood Life, Gerry and Madge got it on at a private Oscars after-party. They didn't leave together, but that doesn't mean anything. They could have met up in the parking lot for a little heel-sit-stay action. I'm sure he brought his muzzle. All good dogwalkers come prepared.

Will anything come of this unusual but saucy pairing? Probably not. Baby Jesus is still buzzing around (and probably still on the payroll) and Butler has said that he won't be ready to marry for another 20, 30 years. Of course by then he'll probably look like Ed Asner, but by then we'll all be over him, too. It all works out.

But she has boobies!Now there's one I hadn't even thought about. I thought Madge and the Stray Rod were history once she found her baby Jesus, but ya never know.

Today's NY Daily News reports that Kate dumped her self-absorbed baseball star because he wouldn't cut ties with Madonna. Kate was allegedly "mad with jealousy," and broke things off rather than feel like the other woman.

This really doesn't surprise me. Kate is used to Slap Chopping through lovers at will; she's not about to play second fiddle to anyone. There are even reports that she's been spotted hovering around Owen Wilson again. I hope for his sake he runs for the hills.

Better, because it's back in New YorkI was a bit skeptical at first: Madonna opening the show with a tribute to Michael Jackson, but I was blown away. Madge spoke honestly and frankly about the brilliance and tragedy that was MJ's life. It was deeply moving, especially for someone who grew up with Billy Jean and Thriller. His sister Janet's performance was equally powerful and also brought a tear to my eye.

And then came Gaga. Lady Gaga took the house down with her Paparazzi song. So many of today's stars can't sing for beans - not the Gaga. She is amazing. You could say she's the new Madonna, but I think she's got more talent in her little pinky than Madge has gristle.

This is the first time in years that the VMAs are rockin' it old school. No fluff pieces, no celebutantes, and no Jonai. Now if they could only get rid of all those lame-ass reality shows and go back to the original format. I was 15 when MTV went live: I remember the premiere and the first videos. It changed the face of music, for better or worse. Too bad these days it seems to gravitate more toward the latter than the former.

Say what you will about Sharon Stone - she's a crazy, power-hungry diva, she's a viciously manipulative mother, she fed her ex to a Komodo Dragon for his birthday ... but damn, the woman looks good.

Sharon denies having had any plastic surgery or Botox, but we all know better. Also, Photoshop is her best friend. We've seen what she looks like without makeup and the airbrush. She must have an excellent surgeon ... and a much better personal trainer than Madge or Gwyneth, who look like jerky. Sharon is lean, toned ... and smooth. Not all sinewy and semi-masticated. Now if she could just learn to travel nice.

Vuitton is putting us onUm, yeah. Madonna looks beautiful in the new Vuitton ads. She never looked that good - seriously. It's amazing what a little Photoshop can do for a 50-year-old woman with more gristle than a cheap steak.

Where are the granny hands? Where are the sinewy bulging biceps? It looks like they even airbrushed her neck. (That was pretty gristly, too.) This looks nothing like the real Madge. Notice how she's making absolutely no facial expression whatsoever. She looks great, but she doesn't look like Madge. The other shot is of her leaving the Manhattan Kabbalah center with her new daughter, Mercy. I can see why she fell in love with that little girl - she is absolutely adorable. And her new mama looks absolutely fine with little or no makeup. Some people should just learn to accept their age. Giddyup, Mama!