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I'll wait for you ... in the closetNobody sets off my gaydar like Ryan Seacrest. He could go out with a different, pathetic fame-hungry girl every night of the week, and I'm sure he does. That doesn't mean diddly; Ryan Seacrest is just another guy who wouldn't leave home without his beard. He's not fooling anyone and should just get a good shave already.

But I digress. Can you believe that Seacrest actually had a stalker? Unfortunately for the unlucky in love little mogul, his stalker was the stabbing kind, and had been arrested for coming at the littlest Idol with a knife. The crazy dude plead guilty to felony stalking today and will likely be sentenced to two years in jail and be ordered to stay away from Ryan for ten years. See? It pays to be rich and famous. Go to any battered women's shelter and see if they got a deal that sweet.

Eddie and LeAnnAs well she should, since her husband was spotted with the horse-faced country star just two weeks ago ... and he sure didn't seem to be in any kind of distress. Not even close.

Brandi was somewhat less than thrilled, apparently, but isn't ready to give up quietly. Hey, this whole finger-sucking business has done more to put her or husband in the spotlight than anything else. At the very least, she can milk this until they finally split and then maybe segue into a nice book deal or talk show run.

Brandi told Us Weekly that "LeAnn is a stalker", that she refuses to leave them alone, even going so far as to "intentionally track him down" at a Lakers game. Um, OK. LeAnn is a singer, not a bloodhound. How could she possibly know where to find him at a crowded public event unless he told her?

This begs the question: Exactly who is (are) the attention whore(s) here? Throughout this whole thing LeAnn has tried to keep a low profile; it's Eddie and Brandi who seem to be courting the media. What LeAnn did was wrong, but she's probably never had it so good, and good dick can cloud even the best woman's judgment. One thing's for sure: we haven't heard the last of this one yet. Next stop: sex tape.

Separated at birth?Remember that 911 call that brought cops and EMS racing to Heather's house? The caller said she was suicidal, but when the popo got there, Ms. Locklear was fine ... although she did check into rehab a short time later.

It turns out the mysterious caller may have struck again. TMZ originally reported that a concerned citizen dropped the dime after seeing her drive erratically. Somehow they've found out that Jill Ishkanian, a former Us Weekly staffer, was the one who made the call. She allegedly then phoned in a tip to a paparazzi agency, whose photos of the bust TMZ bought and posted. I wonder how much money she made on the deal. And what did Heather ever do to her?

The crazy stalker lady has bigger fish to fry, though. She's currently under investigation by the FBI for hacking into Us Weekly's computer system after she was canned by the publication. Sounds like girlfriend's a little celebrity-obsessed. That's just weird, right? Ahem. I wonder why she hates Heather so much. And I still wonder what Heather was on. Stalker or no, she was definitely on something.

Redrum redrum redrumPoor Paula. She just can't get it right. I guess after being married to a stallion like Emilio Estevez the others just pale in comparison.

But there was one stand-out. It wasn't the clothes that he wore, or the car that he drove. It was those berzerker eyes: big, bright blue, and staring like they can just bore right into your brain like a laser beam. Well, maybe they're not that bad, but they're still somewhat alarming. His mouth may be smiling (kind of), but his eyes are chucking you into the wood chipper. Brrr.

Apparently JT is as creepy as he looks. After dating for less than a year, Paula decided to break things off in March. JT, however, doesn't seem to get it, and has been pummeling Paula with repeated calls, text messages and is even showing up at her door, unannounced and uninvited. Paula even said he tried to kick the door in. He's also tailing her around town and shows up wherever she goes. That's scary. I hope she sticks to her guns and keeps him at a distance. She might be nuttier than granola, but this guy sounds like he could be dangerous.

The others were good - it was hard to see any evidence of doctoring, and it was just too deliciously wicked to pass up. The latest release, a Swan Lake of sorts, shows Oscar in a frothy little white tutu with fur trim. Silly? Yes. But take a closer look - somebody's Photoshop's showing.

via x17 Online

I noticed two things right away that were just off:

1. Oscar's head is too big for that body. You can see a small gap between the head and neck as well (see 1. in photo).

2. The dude in this picture is flabby - check out his lovehandles! And he has small, girlie arms. Oscar may not be a heavyweight, but he is a professional athlete, one who has worn a championship belt more than once.

I'd say this is a pretty clear case of someone having an axe to grind with Oscar, whether it be the girl in the photos (scorned lover? stalker? starf***er?) or some other individual. If I was Oscar I'd be a little concerned. Or maybe he knows who it is, and he's not worried. His camp has been pretty quiet since the first pictures broke. The girl is scheduled to be on one of the tabloid shows tomorrow night. She claims they had a year-long affair and can prove it. Obviously she'll have to do better than this if she wants to appear credible, but still. Whether it was a one-time fling or a torrid love affair, it looks like Oscar was somewhere he shouldn't have been. He's still got lots of 'splainin' to do.