Syndicate

Just act casual. No one will suspect a thing.Let's face it. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were never really an item. They have/had a movie to promote and that's the Spinster's MO - play it up with a co-star (or paid escort) for the premieres then let him off the leash. They probably threw him a bone for macking it up the way they did. Since a brief and cordial vacation in Mexico they haven't been spotted together.

That's not to say that the Scottish cocksman has been idle. Big dogs, little dogs, short dogs, tall dogs, Gerry's got a leash to fit them all. He looks to be following in the footsteps of Mickey Rourke, who recently bragged of bedding more than a dozen women a night. Butler does appear to have better taste than Rourke, though. According to Hollywood Life, Gerry and Madge got it on at a private Oscars after-party. They didn't leave together, but that doesn't mean anything. They could have met up in the parking lot for a little heel-sit-stay action. I'm sure he brought his muzzle. All good dogwalkers come prepared.

Will anything come of this unusual but saucy pairing? Probably not. Baby Jesus is still buzzing around (and probably still on the payroll) and Butler has said that he won't be ready to marry for another 20, 30 years. Of course by then he'll probably look like Ed Asner, but by then we'll all be over him, too. It all works out.

Love is a many splendored thingWell, Jen certainly looks thrilled, but that's only because she still hasn't come up for air. She's never gotten it this good, and may never again. Hey, girl, live it up!

In the meantime, Jen has been desperately trying to lend an air of respectability to her mad f***athon with Mr. Douchebag, all to disappointing results. Everyone knows he's going to lose interest and move on, breaking yet another lonely woman's heart, and thoroughly traumatizing her dog, too. Daisy's still running to the back door with her favorite squeaky toy, but she and Jess are learning to live with (and love) Tony Romo. He might not be as much of a freak, but he's got a big one, too.

So, in the interest of legitimacy Jen brought John "home" to meet her surrogate parents, Courtney and David Arquette, who are sick to death of having Jen tag along on vacations, camping trips and fertility treatments. (OK, that last one was a stretch, but just wait. It could happen.) Will the parents approve? Maybe. David will be thrilled to get Jen out of his hair, but Courtney will be a much harder sell. She knows a cocksman when she sees one, and worries what another heartbreak will do to her dearest Friend.

He must walk funnyNow I get it. John Mayer is one of those ... gifted guys. Amply endowed, exquisitely talented in the art of giving pleasure, "hell to get over" ... Meet the 21st century answer to Warren Beatty. Shampoo, anyone?

Friends say Jennifer is uncharacteristically joyous. "She's just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character," says one. Despite the fact that her ex-husband and that witch are popping out two more kids, she's been positively aglow. That's because for the first time in her life, she's getting thoroughly ... taken care of. It's all about Jen when she's with John, and she's not used to that kind of treatment. I'd say she's lovin' it!

And why not? Isn't about time the miserable mannish one had a little happiness in her life? You know he'll only hang out for six months or so and then dump her, but until then, let her have her fun. A good cocksman doesn't come around every day.

Is that an enhanced package I spy?Apparently Robbie has gotten selective in his alleged sobriety. I say alleged because while he hasn't been seen rocking the spoon for a long time, he does still hit the club scene from time to time.

Recently Robbie shared his experience of meeting the successfully rehabbed but surgically disfigured Courtney Love, who imagined herself desirable to the notorious cocksman.

Says Robbie, “I met Courtney Love and she said she’d like to sleep with me, but couldn’t because of my pop star thing. So I said I couldn’t sleep with her either because of the ugly thing.”

It just doesn't get any better than this, folks.