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I'll not be walkin' that dog, bitchesOh, the Spinster's PR machine must be fuming. Creating a buzz about a romance between co-stars is how they always push her films. It's not like they've got anything else going for them. But to make that work everyone needs to be on the same page. Unfortunately, Gerry must have called in sick that day.

While Jen's people are busy trying to blow smoke up everyone's ass - like anyone would believe she could bag a hot Scot like that! - Gerry's been chasing tail all over the world. And catching it, if you believe the reports (I do). He has fulfilled his obligations for The Bounty Hunter and he's moving on. He could give a shit less what her publicist wants him to say.

Butler has been linked to countless women, from Lindsay Lohan to Cameron Diaz to even Shanna Moakler; I believe he banged them all thoroughly and lustily, but Maniston? I don't think so. In an interview with The Sun, he insists that they're just friends despite their "natural chemistry" ... and then goes on to say, "But here's the thing - while they're accusing me of being with Jennifer, I've probably been off somewhere else doing damage with someone else." That I believe, certainly more than that crap her peeps are pushing.

Just act casual. No one will suspect a thing.Let's face it. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were never really an item. They have/had a movie to promote and that's the Spinster's MO - play it up with a co-star (or paid escort) for the premieres then let him off the leash. They probably threw him a bone for macking it up the way they did. Since a brief and cordial vacation in Mexico they haven't been spotted together.

That's not to say that the Scottish cocksman has been idle. Big dogs, little dogs, short dogs, tall dogs, Gerry's got a leash to fit them all. He looks to be following in the footsteps of Mickey Rourke, who recently bragged of bedding more than a dozen women a night. Butler does appear to have better taste than Rourke, though. According to Hollywood Life, Gerry and Madge got it on at a private Oscars after-party. They didn't leave together, but that doesn't mean anything. They could have met up in the parking lot for a little heel-sit-stay action. I'm sure he brought his muzzle. All good dogwalkers come prepared.

Will anything come of this unusual but saucy pairing? Probably not. Baby Jesus is still buzzing around (and probably still on the payroll) and Butler has said that he won't be ready to marry for another 20, 30 years. Of course by then he'll probably look like Ed Asner, but by then we'll all be over him, too. It all works out.

Come over for coffee! Please?It's like spinster feng shui. What was originally planned as his-and-hers bathrooms are now hers and a spa and soaking tub room. After slumming around with man whores like John Mayer and Gerard Butler, I bet that ol' soakin' tub comes in handy.

The great American spinster unveiled her remodeled home to Architectural Digest, probably because she knows Brad reads it all the time. In the article she says her house is like a "big hug - a Zen-like hug that's free of the scent of manliness", but this story, her house and everything else in her life just screams lonely, lonely, lonely to me.

Maybe she's hoping to change all that by opening her home for this feature. Courtney and David are really tired of being her only friends, and with a possible baby on the way they need some time to themselves. Don't worry about Jen, though. As long as she's got a movie to promote she'll have a man on her arm, and she's got Norman to tuck her in at night. Aww, who are we kidding? You know what that soaking tub is really for - she's given up burning baby dolls on the beach. Too smelly, too public. Now she drowns them in the tub. One. At. A. Time.

Paging Mr. HuvaneWow. Does her publicist let her have any real boyfriends, or is she only allowed to date co-stars and publicity whores? You all know that I'm so not a big Maniston fan, but she could do better than a guy who compares his love life to dog walking.

Yet at the Globes, Jen and Ger were said to be "attached at the hip", and were even allegedly spotted making out in the kitchen. Page Six's source says that producers of the show were "actually laughing about it over their walkie-talkies." Of course they were. Industry folks know full of shit when they see it.

I mean, really. Look at this picture. Talk about awkward. Compare this to pictures of her with her ex-husband, or even John Mayer. She's not even trying here. This leads me to believe their upcoming film, The Bounty Hunter, will be yet another Maniston flop. I'm sure Gerard can give like 300 reasons not to work with her again.

I thought it was Sam ...If this story is true, Jessica Alba will rip her apart with her bare hands. Nobody wants to hear about their husband getting "raw" and "not shy" with a notoriously trampy crack whore. Us Weekly broke the story of Lindsay allegedly making out with Cash Warren, Jessica Alba's husband, at some club in LA. Witnesses say they were really going at it, but Lindsay of course denies it, saying she wouldn't dare kiss a married man, and I believe her, to a point. If she was really f**ked up she might not even remember what she did.

If you believe the stories, the little Blohan's getting a lot of action lately. The NY Daily News claimed that she made up with Sam after a little pep talk from none other than John Mayer. I didn't even know they were friends; maybe he just wanted to watch the make-up sex. You know, shower them with praise or something.

In addition to a night with Sam, Lindsay has been linked to Gerard Butler, Leo DiCaprio and even Kevin Connolly. It's really no wonder that Lindsay's having trouble finding a job - she simply doesn't have the time.