Syndicate

BrittanyWell that was quick, wasn't it? And unfortunately, it's also not surprisingly in the least. The LA County Coroner has ruled Brittany's death was caused by "community acquired pneumonia, iron deficiency anemia, and multiple drug intoxication", according to TMZ. That pretty much means that like Anna Nicole Smith, Brittany had some serious health issues but the people around her kept her too f**ked up to seek proper medical treatment.

Perhaps that's the real reason Slimy Simon canceled his fundraiser grand opening for his Brittany Murphy Foundation, a new non-profit he's founding with no clear goals or organization but worth, in his mind, $1,000 a plate. Perhaps Simon's thinking about the prescription bottles found with his name on them ... or all those ATM withdrawals investigators may find.

Will Simon, or anybody else, face charges over Brittany's death? It remains to be seen, but obviously someone dropped the ball. I wonder how long it will be before Brittany's mom (and heir) gets sick of his malarkey and sends him to the curb.

Not until I have a cocktailWhat? She stepped out of the car and blew a tit because she couldn't see over the curb?!? She's getting paid - free airfare, free hotel - to appear at a hospital fundraiser in beautiful Hawaii.

Everyone knows I like to poke fun at the mighty midget, little club veteran that she is. But leading a privileged life can only excuse so much. What on earth could have her so out of sorts that she had to pitch a bitch on the red carpet, all because the press wanted to take her picture and maybe share a few words with her. Did they run out of eligible bachelors at the Seniors Center? Was she denied entry at the Just For Men bash? She doesn't think their beard is weird. She likes 'em gray and crinkly.

Whatever excuse her publicist comes up with tomorrow, it just doesn't cut it. The whole point of inviting celebrities to fundraising events is to draw the press and raise awareness for whatever cause they're working for. It is unacceptable for someone to get a free ride like that ... and then rant and rave the whole time. They should stick the bitch with the bill and bring someone else in, someone who's grateful for the opportunity to help, and let Hayden go back to seducing the grampies.

Tales from the ... Oval Office?I heard that the last time a sales clerk brushed her hand while taking her AmEx Black for another swipe she had to be treated for frostbite. I bet if they had Cindy on The View you could hear a pin drop. Not a source of lively conversation, this one.

Maybe with good reason. 24 years ago, Cindy was the homewrecker, the younger blond John McCain and his restless penis left his warmly regarded first wife, Carol, for. Shunned by the other Senators' wives and having little in common with her politically powerful spouse, Cindy chose to move back to the West Coast while John built his political powerbase in Washington. It probably didn't help that John's ex was still politically active. It must have been a miserable experience.

But don't cry for Cindy McCain. She's fabulously wealthy and she's really not as sad as she looks, at least most of the time. Said to be free of her years-long addiction to painkillers, Cindy has built her own life as a fundraiser and school booster, and is well-liked in her native Arizona.